I want so much more in life
Wow, it's been a while.
Time passes in a blur sometimes. Yet, it feels like it drags when I'm in it. Then, all of a sudden, I look back, and realize that I've let it gone too fast, too long.
I don't think I've ever been truely happy with my working life since I've gotten back to Taiwan. I enjoyed parts of it, I'll admit. And I think I am good at it, at least was for a while. I used to enjoy the interaction with the students; I used to feel proud of myself when I learned that students actually learn things from me. And boy it felt good when I know that I actually had influence on the kids, they like English, or they read English books on their own, because of me.
But all the passion has gone away. Lost. I find myself dreading the times I spend inside the classrooms, with the students. I find that I don't seem to have that drive to educate anymore.
I am spent. I am tired.
I am not going to complain about all the unfair treatments I get from the schools. Not going to talk about the people who take advantage of me either. And no, I am not going to talk about people who have personal issues with their own abilities and self-esteem, and take it out on others to make themselves feel better. I am just tired. Of this system. Of teaching. Of pretending to be someone I am not.
I had dreams about my life, about my future. I still do. I know I do. People say that everyone has dreams, but when you have a family, when you have kids, those dreams die. I don't believe a word of it. I think, because of my family, because of my son, I want so much more in life. For myself, for my husband, for my boy.
I get postcards from my sister who travels all the time. From places I once dreamed of going. And here I am. Stuck with a job that I want to leave but don't have the guts to.
I am a coward. I can't stand up for my own right. I don't have the courage to tell them to leave me alone and do what I want to do.
There is so much more to life than this. There has to be. This is not it for me. This can't be.
For Owen, for Ian, and for myself. I will do what I should do. And I will follow my dream.
Time passes in a blur sometimes. Yet, it feels like it drags when I'm in it. Then, all of a sudden, I look back, and realize that I've let it gone too fast, too long.
I don't think I've ever been truely happy with my working life since I've gotten back to Taiwan. I enjoyed parts of it, I'll admit. And I think I am good at it, at least was for a while. I used to enjoy the interaction with the students; I used to feel proud of myself when I learned that students actually learn things from me. And boy it felt good when I know that I actually had influence on the kids, they like English, or they read English books on their own, because of me.
But all the passion has gone away. Lost. I find myself dreading the times I spend inside the classrooms, with the students. I find that I don't seem to have that drive to educate anymore.
I am spent. I am tired.
I am not going to complain about all the unfair treatments I get from the schools. Not going to talk about the people who take advantage of me either. And no, I am not going to talk about people who have personal issues with their own abilities and self-esteem, and take it out on others to make themselves feel better. I am just tired. Of this system. Of teaching. Of pretending to be someone I am not.
I had dreams about my life, about my future. I still do. I know I do. People say that everyone has dreams, but when you have a family, when you have kids, those dreams die. I don't believe a word of it. I think, because of my family, because of my son, I want so much more in life. For myself, for my husband, for my boy.
I get postcards from my sister who travels all the time. From places I once dreamed of going. And here I am. Stuck with a job that I want to leave but don't have the guts to.
I am a coward. I can't stand up for my own right. I don't have the courage to tell them to leave me alone and do what I want to do.
There is so much more to life than this. There has to be. This is not it for me. This can't be.
For Owen, for Ian, and for myself. I will do what I should do. And I will follow my dream.
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