The Wall

Companion

Baby's day out

Sleep, my little angel

A night out

I want so much more in life

Wow, it's been a while.

Time passes in a blur sometimes. Yet, it feels like it drags when I'm in it. Then, all of a sudden, I look back, and realize that I've let it gone too fast, too long.

I don't think I've ever been truely happy with my working life since I've gotten back to Taiwan. I enjoyed parts of it, I'll admit. And I think I am good at it, at least was for a while. I used to enjoy the interaction with the students; I used to feel proud of myself when I learned that students actually learn things from me. And boy it felt good when I know that I actually had influence on the kids, they like English, or they read English books on their own, because of me.

But all the passion has gone away. Lost. I find myself dreading the times I spend inside the classrooms, with the students. I find that I don't seem to have that drive to educate anymore.

I am spent. I am tired.

I am not going to complain about all the unfair treatments I get from the schools. Not going to talk about the people who take advantage of me either. And no, I am not going to talk about people who have personal issues with their own abilities and self-esteem, and take it out on others to make themselves feel better. I am just tired. Of this system. Of teaching. Of pretending to be someone I am not.

I had dreams about my life, about my future. I still do. I know I do. People say that everyone has dreams, but when you have a family, when you have kids, those dreams die. I don't believe a word of it. I think, because of my family, because of my son, I want so much more in life. For myself, for my husband, for my boy.

I get postcards from my sister who travels all the time. From places I once dreamed of going. And here I am. Stuck with a job that I want to leave but don't have the guts to.

I am a coward. I can't stand up for my own right. I don't have the courage to tell them to leave me alone and do what I want to do.

There is so much more to life than this. There has to be. This is not it for me. This can't be.

For Owen, for Ian, and for myself. I will do what I should do. And I will follow my dream.

My tags :)

I had a dream with my elementary school friend. We wanted to open up a coffee shop and sell things on the side. She used to write poems and I used to buy really cool artsy paper and make them into a poetry book. We wanted to sell home baked goods, drinks, books, flowers and cools things we make or picked up from all around the world. It was a dream.

So after studying hospitality and had taken several restaruant related classes, I became more sure of my dream.

There was a café in Amman, Jordan that was very popular. I've only been there once, but it made an impression on me. It was small, but delicate. It was packed with beautifully displayed (and tasty) pastries. It just felt like, you could order a cup of tea and a slice of cake, sit in the café, and read for the whole afternoon. The café was called Chez something, I can't even remember the name. But the name stuck with me. Chez Anne. My place, my café.

Back in college, I liked to go to poster stores and look through the pictures and posters they have. Right before I left Boston, on one of my visits to the poster shop, I saw a reproduction of an oil painting... It portrayed a street of somewhere in France. The focus was on one store... believe it or not, the store was called Chez Anne. I took it as a sign.

After graduation, I came back to Taiwan and started working right away. It just felt like I was being taken away from my dream. Sometimes, I feel like I am lost in the real world, but don't know where my real self has gone.

I guess in a way, patchwork and quilting have helped me. I somehow relocated myself. Along with that, my dream came back.

Since I want to have a café and sell other things on the side, now my store is officially called Chez Anne Café and things... I am still working towards the actual café, but meanwhile, I have the "and things..." part going for me, little by little.

So here's one of my first steps to realizing my dream: getting my tags done. It's kinda like the tag one gets from the collar of a t-shirt. Thanks to the factories in Taiwan, they are not too expensive. I can't wait to put my OWN tags on everything I make!

Food food food

Dogs are costing too much... I am really thinking about selling cookies and cakes. But before that, I got to try food photography... :) I tried to look for photography courses in Boston but didn't have any luck. But I read some articles online about food photography, so I just gave it a try. I know it's not like Gourmet or Bon Appetit photos, but at least it's not too bad :)

Origami flower handbag

I started making this bag back in July when I got a surprise night off from work. We had some storms and the power at the school was down for a long time. After a couple of hours, they finally decided to cancel the classes... I went to quilting class.

I've seen my elementary school classmate's mom using the same bag. I thought, back then, it's too "elegant" and fancy for my taste. But the concept of folding fabric into flowers was too intriguing for me... So I decided to make it anyways.

It took me a very very very very very very long time. I never thought it would take this long. It just didn't seem like it was too difficult to make. The actual folding part took a long time, because each flower piece had to be folded individually and sewn together. After making 21 pieces, I had to sew all the pieces together. Six sides each, times 21 pieces, add another 4 diamond shaped pieces... Yeah, that's a lot of sewing.

Finally I finished it. I had to go to the class when it was pouring out. But I just had to do it. I couldn't stand it anymore. I can't stand it when I have one bag that's taking too long.

The typhoon was coming... So I took the bag out quickly before the sun disappeared and got a picture taken. That night, I gave it to my aunt. :-P I mean, if I don't see myself using it, why not share with the family??

Gifts

These were gifts for Ian's mom and aunt. They were mother's day gifts... but for some reason, it took me so long to finish them, even though I had the handbag almost done about a month ago. I wanted to make more change purses but laziness and procrastination got into my way so I didn't have enough time :-P Oh well... Christmas is just around the corner.